


wild shuichi appears

by turtlebish



Series: My weird fanfics (pretty much parody/crack fics) [4]
Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Killing Game (Dangan Ronpa), Amnesia, Crack, Crack with Plot, Fluff and Crack, Gah, Kokichi is sad, M/M, because he was shuichi bf, but shuichi doesn't even remember him, im really doing it ain't i, kaito is learning crawling thru vents, shuichi's house is the best drug for himiko, uhh shuichi is mean ass bitch, well rn for all i can add for those tags is, well this gonna b crazy, yes plot i planned some crazy shits
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-07-08 17:01:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15934652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turtlebish/pseuds/turtlebish
Summary: This is prob my unironically worst fic





	1. this shouldn't be made

**Author's Note:**

> b o i .

The outside of hope's peak academy. Saihara finally finished his classes, and is going to home.

 **shuichi:** hello world, am i forgetting something?

 **world:** nah dude, keep going

 **shuichi:** oh i see  
  
However, looking at his phone, he didn't notice he was walking straight into ouma.  
  
**Saihara:** _*barely touches ouma's arm*_

 **OUMA:** OMG WHAT THE FUCK SAIHARA!??? ARE YOU FUCKING NUTS?!?!??!?!

 **saihara:** _*looking away from his phone*_   wai wha

 **KOKICHI:** _*FALLS TO THE GROUND AND ROLLS*_ GOD FUCKING DAMMIT YOU LIKE TO HURT ME THAT MUCH!??? GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU????!!??!

 **saihara:** wha- BULLSHIT I BARELY EVEN TOUCHED YOU

 **KOKICHI:** FUCK IM NOT EVEN GONNA MENTION WE CAN EVEN LOST CHILD AT THIS RATE

 **SAIHARA:** WAIT WHAT FUCKING CHILD

 **KOKICHI:** OUR FUCKING CHILD SAIHARA FUCK, THE ONE THATS IN ME!????? ARE FUCKING ACTUALLY GONNA PRETEND LIKE YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT IT!?????!?

 **SAIHARA:** FOR FUCKS SAKE WE DIDNT HAVE SEX AND YOU'RE DAMN FUCKING BOY, HOW FUCKING HELL THAT WOULD SUPPOSED TO WORK!??????

 **KOKICHI:** SO YOU ARE GONNA ACTUALLY FUCKING PRETEND LIKE YOU DONT KNOW ABOUT IT, FUCK SHUICHI I DIDNT KNOW U WERE SUCH AN ASSHOLE AND-

 **kokichi:** and we have bigger problem

 **Saihara:** oh god no why

 **Kokichi:** *touches his tummy* the baby is coming

 **SAIHARA:** FUCK THIS, FUCK MY LIFE, TO FUCKING HELL WITH THIS SHIT. *RUNS THE FUCK AWAY*

The next day.

Kokichi appears to shuichi with child that resembles both of them.

 **Ouma:** u think i was kidding

**SHUICHI: HSJSJSJSJBDJDJSJD**

Shuichi wakes up.Shuichi: god why the fuck i need to have dreams like this. screw you world.

 **Kokichi, in his bed:** GOOD MORNING SAIHARA CHAN

**SAIHARA: AAAAAAAJFSJSJSKKDJDgnfdjgdfg!??????????**

.

.

.

Shuichi immediately ran away from kokch, and went outside, thank god with pajamas, not naked at least. But it was then when he realised -  
The house he just ran away from, was his OWN.

SHUICHI QUICKLY RETURNED

 **SHUICHI, TO KOKCH:** WHY ARE YOU HERE

 **KOKICHI:** WHATS GOING ON, WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING??!?!?!?!?!?!

 **SHUICHI:** U FUCKING EXPLAIN IT TO ME, WHATS GOING ON??

 **KOKICHI:** NO SERIOUSLY, WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?!!??

 **SHUICHI:** OH MY GOD, GTFO FROM MY HOUSE

And so, Shuichi kicked out kokichi. Which was TERRIBLE mistake, because the next day, in class...

 **Kaito:** Kokichi is fucking crying all day in home, the fuck did u do

 **Shuichi:** Excuse me-

 **kaede:** Yeah u have no heart at all

 **Shuichi:** No no, seriously what the hell are you talking about??

 **Kaede:** Oh my g - *waves arms in air* OD Shuichi, we're talking about how you broke up with him for no reason, and in such cruel way too

 **Shuichi:** Y'all realise I've never been with Kokichi, right??

 **Kaito:** wOW, you actually deny it?? ASSHOLE

 **sHUICHI:** I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!

 **Rantaro:** Yeh, then those pics are just my sweet imagination

Rantaro shows him the pics of shuichi and kokichi together on fb

 **shuichi:** What the-- I've never taken those??

 **miu:** Gosh fuck, stop being such a pu-

 **SHUICHI:** NO I'M SERIOUS, I DON'T REMEMBER IT??? WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN-

 **rantaro:** Wait what do u mean

 **SHUICHI:** I DON'T REMEMBER IT - actually

 **shuichi:** what was going on with my life for like few months

 **kaede:** What-

 **shuichi:** I uh- don't remember

 **rantaro:** *thinks about how he didn't remember his own talent in main game*

 **rantaro:** Gosh man I feel you so much

 **tenko:** Wait what- shouldn't we be concerned then- like, to get him to doctor

 **rantaro:** Oh don't worry, in my case my amnesia was just a device for the plot, so I'm sure it's similiar in this case

 **everyone:** ...

 **kirumi:** Why do we assume he's not lying bitch though-

 **SHUICHI:** I'M NOT LYING, THE DOCTOR CAN CONFIRM THIS

 **Doctor, under shuichi's desk:** I. confirm. this.

 **kaito:** Sweet mother of lords, what the fu-

 **doctor:** I've been living here for a few years now, under shuichi's desk. This good boy thankfully let me and never told anyone.

 **kaede:** How did we never noticed him-

 **doctor:** cloak of Invisibility

 **kaede:** I'm scared. why would u even let him stay there?

 **Shuichi:** I don't. I hush him whenever im in class, but then in night he comes back anyway to sleep there.

 **doctor:** pls don't tell teachers

 **hagakure:** too late bud

hagakure, the teacher:  
\- fraud  
-thieft

-fake teacher

-no one knows what happened to the previous teacher - he wants your munz  
\- what was it about not going to ur home thru vents?

 **doctor:** oh hey its u bud

 **hagakure:** aye- now give me my munz

 **kork:** Once I'll become principal, you will be fired, and doc will go to jail

 **doctor:** Pls no i have family

 **kork:** no u don't

 **doctor:** no i don't

 **kaede:** can we go back to main to- no actually, we need to get rid of that doc-

 **DOC:** WAI WHA

and so, the cast took the doc, and threw him thru window. unfortunately, they were on ground floor.

hagakure: oh rip

 **kaede:** how about we will go to real doc, to confirm whether or not succi have amnesia??

 **angie:** yes but if u think the author will b wanting to describe that all shit-

**TIME SKIP BISHES!**

they all went to doctor, except for Kirumi, Miu, Ryoma, Gonta, Kiibo. And while walking, Shuichi get to know about more details about his relationship with kokch- about how were they dating, when did it start, and tried to explain how it worked - shuichi didn't understood a word they said. but what he understood, was the interesting thing, that he can't remember anything for what happened in the last 6 months... the exact time they started dating... And in the doctor's place, it was confirmed, he had amnesia - and even tho the docs proposed to do futher surveys, he refused and simply left the building.

on the outside

 **Shuichi:** wow so its actually true

 **kaede:** ye now get yo ass and go apologise to kokch -,-

 **angie:** hey, but can we not ignore the fact that memory loss doesn't just happen? That it MUST have happened because of something?

 **shuichi:** maybe kokichi hitted my head while i was sleeping

 **angie:** that ain't possible, kokch boi would never hurt his precious boi

 **shuichi:** don't say it.

 **shuichi:** also, why would i apologise to kokch - i literally didn't remember that we were dating and i got scared

 **kaito:** ya but now he locked himself at home so u gotta do something about it.

 **rantaro:** no, he doesn't have to, i can take care of kokch ;))))))

 **kaito:** what -

 **rantaro:** i think its isn't secret i have thing for little ppl ;***

 **kaito** **:** ur not into ryoma tho

 **rantaro:** are you insulting me and my entire family right now.

 **kaito:** no i dont-

 **rantaro:** yes u do.

 **kaede:** can we go back on topic tho

 **rantaro:** about how i get to ouma's buttcheeks? yes u can

 **tsumugi:** oh my god i hate u rantaro, you will die first

 **rantaro:** what-

 **tsumugi:** what

...

 **himiko:** i am so sad. can i go back to shuichi's bathroom now?

 **shuichi:** yes you ca- wai wha

 **himiko:** u dont know, but for those months i've been living in ur bathroom. its a nice place.

 **SHUICHI:** WHA

 **tenko:** she's lying. she just wants to go to ur house, bc it's for her, i quote: "the best alchohol".

 **himiko:** only shuichi's house will heal that deep agony im drowning in. eventually it can draw me deeper, but im in it

 **shuichi:** why my house again.

 **himiko:** only ur house.

 **shuichi:** no, i asked why-

 **maki:** *screeches*

 **kaito:** Whaddup Maki Baki

 **maki:** There's been serious lack of my character in this fic and author thinks he needs to fix it

 **kaito:** Ok bby do your thing

 **maki:** what is our life? why do we live for? have u never wondered abput ur existence? you should. what is our existence? can we stop it? can we eat it? can we erease us from others' memory?

 **kaito:** Aight bby that's enough now let's go back to cool stuff again

 **MAKI:** STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE IM IN Y'ALL WAY OR I'LL STOP TEACHING U HOW TO CRAWL THRU VENTS

 **KAITO:** NO, I NEED THAT KNOWLEDGE

 **kaede:** Wait but why-

 **kaede:** No nvm, can we agree on that shuichi will come to kokch's place? im honestly scared about rantaro, plus shuichi, u WAS his bf, and he need some explenation, bc my oumasai heart breaks in half T--------T

 **shuichi:** not for u, but i can o.O it might be interesting

 **rantaro:** u lil bitchcake  >;c also why u all sound like u think im gonna rape him or something -

 **maki:** ask ur existence

 **rantaro:** what was that supposed to mean -

 **shuichi:** what.

 **himiko:** tenko, this is so sad, take me to kork's house.

 **tenko:** yes- i mean no, he's creepy

 **himiko:** then to tsumugi's. tsum's one is good when u feel nostalgic. its like that beer that drawns into deep melancholy

 **tenko:** im- concerned

 **kaito:** wait, y'all realise we just skipped classes, right -

 **kaede:** emergency situation. im sure principal will understand this.

meanwhile

 **principal:** no i wont

meanwhile again

 **kaede:** no he won't.

 **angie:** crap.

...  
...  
...  
...  
And in the kokch's house...

 **mailman:** *ringggGGGDIDIDIDIDIDIDDI DIII-* it's me the second uh mailman that was hired after the previous one was fired because uh, he didn't manage to give registered letter;; pls let me in, i heard they sent him to siberia

 **kokch, in sheets on bed, shouting:** no

 **MAILMAN:** PLS MAN BE A HUMAN, I HEARD TERRIBLE STUFF ABOUT THIS MAIL COMPANY, I HEARD THAT THEY TOLD ONE GUY TO PLAY WITH KITTENS IN LOCKED ROOM

 **kokch, in sheets:** I mean that doesn't sound so bad

 **MAILMAN:** but by kittens they meant lions

 **kokch:** oh

 **mailman:** he was sent to hospital. pls dude be a human, i don't wanna die

 **kokch:** i- 

 **MAILMAN:** BE A GODDAMN HUMAN AND OPEN THIS DOOR, AND SIGN THAT SHIT, U GOT REGISTERED LETTER

 **kokch:** oh -

...  
...  
...  
...  
...  
...  
**mailman:** will u let me in then

 **kokch:** no.

 **MAILMAN:** PLS DUDE I NEED THIS JOB AND MY LIFE, LET ME IN

 **KOKCH:** FUCK YOU, MY BF BROKE UP WITH ME

 **MAILMAN:** HOLY SHIT DUDE THATS AWFUL, REMINDS ME WHEN MY WIFE TOOK MY KIDS AWAY FROM ME

 **KOKCH:** WHAT, THATS AWFUL

 **MAILMAN:** U WANNA TALK ABOUT OUR PROBLEMS?

 **KOKCH:** SURE

 **MAILMAN:** WANNA GO AFTER THAT TO GET SOME BEER TO HEAL THE PAIN?

 **KOKCH:** SURE

 **MAILMAN:** WILL U SIGN UP THAT GODDAMN LETTER?

 **KOKCH:** NO

 **MAILMAN:** GODDAMIT -,--------------


	2. RUNRUNRUN RUUUUN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok well that took a while

Kokichi and mailman were together in the bar, drinking bear they ordered, both sitting at the lad. Kokichi was practically laying on it, shaking bear in his hand

 **Kokichi:** Andd THEN _*sobs and lightly hits lad with the glass*_  THEN HE JUST LIKE scREAMED at me FOR like NO reason _*cries harder*_ a a a a nd he just tells me to fuck out of hIS HOUSE _*SLAMS GLASS ON LAD WITH FULL STRENGTH*_

 **Mailman:** OH MAN THATS SO HARSH, JUST LIKE WHEN MY WIFE DIDN'T WANT TO BUY ME CEREALS TO MILK

 **KOKICHI:** HOLY SHIT THAT'S SO AWFUL BRO

 **Kokichi:** But like, why would shuichi do that??

 **Mailman:** Boys will be boys bro, and girls will be girls

 **Kokichi:**  The fuck does it mean.

 **Mailman:** I don't know, just wanted to say it because sounds cool

 **Kokichi:** ...

Nevertheless, they still were drinking together that night, and much much later they got out together, mailman helping kokichi to walk, while they both were singing

 **KOKICHI** : I AM THE MILIPI  
**KOKICHI:** I AM MAJESTIIC  
**KOKICHI:** NO ONE WHO CAREZNCJDNDNCX

 **MAILMAN:** WHEEEEEEEERE, DO I FIIIIIND MYYYY TEACHEEEEEER?

 

* * *

 

next day.  
V3 cast, in class, lunchtime

 **Kaede:** So for some reason Hagakure haven't told Principal we skipped classes yesterday to go to the hospital to do a check up on shuichi just to discover he indeed had amnesia as he said before

 **Shuichi:** Wow Kaede, that's some nice summary

 **Kaede:** uwu

 **Shuichi** : What do you think, kiibo?

 **Kiibo:** Y'all dumb fucks.

 **Shuichi:** Thank you kiibo for your opinion

 **Kiibo:** <33333

 **Himiko:** Saiibo content? So quickly? We haven't even touched oumasai plot yet

 **Kaede:** Wait that's right- SHUICHI, we're going to your boyfriend's house since u are he's bf and there's serious lack of oumasai content

 **Shuichi:** HE'S NOT MY- Wait I guess he is, but I don't remember it, so it's still a dick move

 **Tsumugi:** I know right? I hate her, she will die second.

 **Kaede** : What -

 **Maki:** Touch my gf and you're dead.

 **Kaede:** WAIT SINCE WHEN I'M YOUR GF-

 **Maki:** Idk, some maki x kaede content?

 **KAITO:** MAKI, HAVEN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE MY GF-

 **Maki** : wait shit right that's canon. Does even canon exists here though

 **Kaito:** what's canon

 **Maki:** then here's your answer

 **Kaito:** BUT

 **maki:** dw I shall continue teaching u crawling u thru vents

 **Kaito:** k deal

 **Ryoma:** Why do you need that knowledge again - wait also where kork disappeared

 **Rantaro:** _*cough*_

...

 **Kaede:** You know it's the cough that will move on the plot when you hear one

 **Rantaro:** Tank you tank you kaede- now, I wanted to bring your attention to me-

 **Miu:** petty

 **Rantaro:** ...BECAUSE I had something important to say-

 **Tsumugi:** plus he thinks he's so important, smh

**Rantaro:**

**Rantaro:** _*cries*_ okay but I just wanted to say I agree with saihara, it was a dick move kaede

 **Tsumugi:** Ikr she will die second

 **Kaede:** you need to stop-

 **Shuichi:** Tfu rantaro, you only agree with that bc you want to get to kokichi's butt

 **RANTARO:** INDEED I DO  
**Rantaro:** But what's wrong with that

 **Tsumugi:** Remember when I said you'll die first? Fuck it, before that I'm gonna put you in previous killing game and make sure you'll not die, but make u suffer as much as possible, then after you'll survive I'll put u in second killing game and make sure u will die first, so u will taste your miserable failure.

...

 **RANTARO** : ????????????????????????????????????????????

 **Kaede:** Tsum can u like idk, stop hating on us

 **Tsum** : no

**Shuichi:**

**Shuichi:** so

 **Kaede:** kokichi's house?

 **Shuichi:** no

 **Rantaro, looking at phone:** Shuichi, you might not want to return to YOUR house for a bit though

 **Shuichi** : What.

 **Shuichi:** Ranti ranti

 **Rantaro:** yes saihara?

 **Shuichi:** hiding something?

 **Rantaro:** no saihara

 **Shuichi:** telling lies

 **Rantaro:** no saihara-

 **Shuichi:** show your phone

 **Rantaro:** _*eats phone*_ nom nom nom

Take 2

 **Shuichi:** show your pho- or actually

Saihara snatched phone from rantaro who started crying fabulous tears. And as saihara looked at his phone, he found a message from nagito to rantaro on discord

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

  
**GodGiveMeWillToLive:** ey you ye you, the one they've been calling green komaeda when game still wasn't released in eng

 **Greenkomaeda:** ok stfu

 **GodGiveMeWillToLive:** bruh listen remember when I told I need to get my stuff from certain place and probably camp in there for a few days because I'm basically homeless

 **GodGiveMeWillToLive:** yeh this place is succi's bathroom, be kindo nice and tell him to not go there for a few days

 **GodGiveMeWillToLive:** or u know what, I'll message him myself

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

And then Saihara's phone buzzed

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

 **GodGiveMeWillToLive:** hey succi it's me your best friend, I'm gonna camp in ur bathroom for a few days and possibly invite few people, can u like not go there for a few days, k thx

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

 **Shuichi:** ......

 **Rantaro:** .........

 **Himiko:** ...............?

 **Tenko:** _*shakes head at himiko*_

 **Himiko:** I haven't said anything yet-

 **Rantaro:** so

 **Shuichi:** he's dead

And so shuichi stormed off from classroom

 **Kaede:** does he knows that class starts like in 2 minutes - I'll msg him

 **Kiibo:** tfu u whore, I'll do it

 **Kaede:** WHAT.

 

 **Shuichi** was running thru courtyards when he get another notif

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

 **Don't bully the robot:** succi succi

 **Emoboi:** nani nani

 **Don't bully the robot:** in the courtyard?

 **Emoboi:** we're not doing this meme again, it's dead anyway

 **Don't bully the robot:** u do realise the class will start soon right

 **Don't bully the robot:** hagakure won't cover u up this time

 **EMOBOI:** OK BUT ITS EMERGENCY SITUATION, SOMEONE BROKE TO MY HOUSE, I THINK HAGAKURE WILL UNDERSTAND THAT

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

 **Hagakure:** no i won't

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

 **Don't bully the robot:** no he won't

 **Emoboi:** shit.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

 

Meanwhile, in class

 

 **Himiko:** tenko I am so sad, why did shuichi leave

 **Tenko:** to read about kittens

 **Himiko:** wha

 **RYOMA:** KITTENS!

 **Hagakure:** everyone stfu, class already started

 **Kaede:** you're just playing on ur phone

 **Kaede:** also why mr haiji is here

 **Haiji:** I'm Mr. Crow

 **Hagakure:** no

 **Hagakure:** also I'm messaging some rich man not playing

 **Ryoma:** he won't give you cash.

 **Hagakure:** it's nothing like tha- OH GOD HE'S CALLING

 **KAEDE:** WHAT

 **HAIJI (mr.crow?):** PICK IT UP, ITS OUR CHANCE BITCHCUPCAKE

 **HAGAKURE:** EVERYONE STFU

Hagakure picked up the phone

 **Hagakure:** _...hello, Mister, but could you say that again but a bit lower and calm down a bit?_

 **Hagakure:** _...Mister, I think when I asked you to calm down it's exactly what I meant - I DID NOT ASK MISTER TO SCREAM EVEN LOUDER-_

 **Hagakure:** _...Mister, I think that Mister REALLY should take some pills to calm down, mister's anger issues are terrible!_

 **Haiji (mr.crowie Bowie?):** Go to the main topic

 **Hagakure:** _...And as I was saying, your daughter is absolutely fine!_

 **Haiji (crowie):** tell him she's playing with ponies

 **Hagakure:** _...She's playing with Russians!_

 **Haiji (c-):** (ಥ_ಥ)

 **Hagakure:** _...But they are good Russians sir, here!_

Hagakure gives phone to ryoma

 **Hagakure:** _*whispers*_ pretend you're a good Russian boy

 **Ryoma:** **Я убью тебя и заберу твою почку, а потом я откопаю ее в своем саду. Тогда я подожду, пока оно превратится в почечное дерево, и когда это произойдет, я начну продавать почки с этого дерева всем, кто беден, и я буду известен миру как «великий продавец почек». Но ты будешь мертв, хотя**   (I'll murder you and take your kidney, and then I'm gonna dig it in my garden. Then I'll wait till it would become a kidney tree, and when it will, I'll start selling kidneys from that tree to everyone who's poor, and I'll be known to the world as "the great seller of kidneys". But you will be dead though)

 **Hagakure:** _*takes phone away from ryoma*_ _...SEE, GOOD BOY,_ god bless russia is a myth

 **HAGAKURE:** _...SO YEAH, WHEN U WILL BE BACK IN COUNTRY, WE WANT ALL YOUR CAR COLLECTION AND FEW OF YOUR MANSIONS, AND THEN YOU WILL SEE DAUGHTER AGAIN_

 **Haiji:** now threat him

 **Hagakure** : _...and don't even think about calling the police, we have our friend there, Mr. Owl!_

 **Hagakure:**   _...kapiche? Kapiche! Now goodbye! *hagakure hangs up*_

 **Hagakure:** mother of GOD, this guy seriously needs to take some calming pills, WHO would scream at someone like this on day like this??

 **Haiji:** don't worry, once we will use incatantion of level four, he will stop resisting.

 **Class:** ...

 **Haiji and hagakure:** ...

 **Hagakure:** someone wants gummy bears??

 **Class:** ...

 **Korekiyo:** ALRIGHT, ENOUGH OF THIS OPRESSION! AS CLASS REPRESENTIVE YOU WILL NOT GET AWAY WITH KIDNAPPING SOMEONE!

 **Ryoma, the real class representive:** wait what did you say

 **Hagakure:** kork pls it's not like -

 **Haiji:** oh yeah little bitchcake? You think you can tell us what to do??

 **Kork:** maybe -

 **HaIJI:** THINK AGAIN- INCANTATION OF LEVEL FOURTH

 

* * *

 

 

MEANWHILE!

Succi finally got to his home, and is in the salon.

 **Succi:** okay so first off gotta kick out nagito, and then -

BUT SOMETHING KNOCKS TO THE DOOR!

 **himiko:** did u just call me something.

 **Succi:** _*opens door*_ himiki wth are u doing here

 **Himiko:** hello succi may I stay here for like hour or two

 **Succi:** what no-

But then shuichi's phone rings

 **Succi:** _*picks up*_

 **Tenko:** Ok listen here bitchcake we don't have much time, himiko just ran away from classroom and is going to your home to - and oh my god while I was talking she just sneaked to your house didn't she

 **Succi:** wai wha

And when succi looks at the entrance, himiko is no longer there

 **Succi:** fuck

Meeeanwhile, with hiiimiko

 **Himiko:** ok u lil bitchcake u need to hide, but shuichi covered up all hiding spots from the last time, what do...

 **???:** _*opens door*_ psssst little girl, come here to hide in the bathroom, I will give you caaandies ~~

 **Himiko:** YAY candies- wait nagito is that u

 **Nagito:** indeed! If u wanna then come in, but there's only tofi here

 **Himiko:** fuck I hate it but aight.

 **Inner himiko:** hold up himiko, what mom told you about creepy men giving you candies in bathrooms?

 **Himiko:** hit, steal, run the fuck off

 **Nagito:** hold on, pls don't hit me

 **Himiko:** whatever move your ass

 

And so himiko went to bathroom and door was closed

But it appeared that the bathroom was actually quite big, had carpet, a lot of party lights, blankets, chips on the floor, magazines, books, consoles -

 **Himiko:** holy fucc did u bring that shit

 **Nagito:** nope, it was already here, I'm guessing some of our friends from here who was here before must have leave it. How nice of them

 **Nagito:** or maybe it was shuichi - fuck that would be creepy

 

And suddenly, there was loud knocking

 **Shuichi:** okay, GET your asses OUT of there, and I swear, I'll shit up your asses only a LITTLE bit.

 **Nagito:** god no, also u realise you're not threating us right

 **Himiko:** actually he's wild amnesiac so I'm actually crying inside

 **Nagito:** wait amnesiac _*thinks about hajime amnesiac being acrually izuru*_ GOD, AMNESIACS always turns out to be the worst

 **Nagito:** also ey ey succi, did you know u got here quite of the stuff here

 **Shuichi:** what stuff

 **Nagito:** consoles and some shits, are u such insecure person u decided to live in ur own bathroom?

 **Succi:** nagito  
**Succi:** we literally established few lines ago I'm amnesiac

 **Nagito:** fkin

 **succi:** anyway pls just leave me bahtroom I'm through some shit man I'm ike amnesiac, I got like bf, I like broke up with him, pls be a human

 **Nagito:** no

 **Succi:** cries

MEANWHILE.

it's kokch.

Here.

In front of his house.

But he's in bushes.

Asleep

LAST NIGHT

 **Kokichi:** ok so like why tf in ur business people gets sent to siberia

 **Mailman:** like idk man, they just get, maybe they heard there are some cats

 **Kokichi:** wait but why you're saying like they wanted to go there, weren't they like forced -

PRESENT TIME

 **kokichi, woken up:** why tf am I remembering this

 **Kokichi:** also where tf is that mailman

 **Kokichi:** also did I tf sign up that letter or not??

But only silence replied to him

 **Kokichi:** sounds poetic but it's dumb af

 **Kokichi:** k but apperantly I'm at my house so that's nice

And so kokichi walked into his house, just to be greeted with...

 **Kokichi:** holy fuck.

 **Kokichi:** _*calls hagakure*_

 **Hagakure:** ye?

 **Kokichi:** haga... KURWA U FUCK, I WILL GET TO YOUR ASS

 **HAGAKURE:** WHY, WHAT DID I DO NOW???

 **KOKICHI:** MY HOUSE. THATS WHAT U DID

 **HAGAKURE:** WAIT BUT I HAVEN'T BEEN STEALING ANYTHING IN UR HOUSE FROM LIKE LAST FRIDAY

 **KOKICHI:** YOU'VE BEEN WHAT

 **HAGAKURE:** CHILL IT WAS JUST SOME FOOD FROM UR FRIDGE, U KNOW I NEED TO FEED MY FAMILY

 **KOKICHI:** YOU DONT HAVE A FAMILY. BUT WAIT HOLD ON, SO YOU weren't the one who was here???

 **Hagakure:** I mean I'm telling u nibba I haven't been there, I've been doing charity shit in that priest's suit I stole like two weeks ago. Boi u would be suprised how many people didn't question why dude who looks like a weedman is a priest

...

 **Hagakure:** wait but hold on what actually happened

 **Kokichi:** my house. Is empty.

 **Hagakure:** what

 **KOKICHI:** MY HOUSE IS FKING EMPTY, STAIGHT UP EMPTY - NO COMPUTER, NO SHELFS, NO BED, EVEN MY FKING TOILET

 **HAGAKURE:** OH SHIT

 **kokichi:** yeah, so could you kindly explain THAT?

 **HAGAKURE:** LOOK WHAT DO U WANT FROM ME, I TOLD U I WASNT HERE

 **kokichi:** hagakure

 **Kokichi:** u literally told me you've already been here, and YOU ALREADY THREATEN ME ONCE THAT IF I WONT GIVE U MONEY FOR THAT CHARITY (yes u forgot u went to my house too dumbass) YOU WILL GET TO MY VENTS.

**hagakure:**

**Hagakure:** but IN THE END I NEVER GOT TO UR VENTS WHAT'S YOUR POINT

 **kokichi:** you said back then "bOI U DONT EVEN KNOW HOW EASY IT IS TO USE UR VENTS"

 **hAGAKURE:** SO

 **KOKICHI:** SO U USED THEM AT SOME POINT OR ANOTHER

 **HAGKURE:** K BUT WHO CARES I TOLD U I WASNT AT UR HOUSE FOR LIKE A WEEK WHY UR BRINGING IT NOW

 **kokichi:** hagakure.

 **Kokichi:** to who the fuck did you tell it's easy to break into my house thru vents

**Hagakure:**

**Kokichi:**

**Hagakure:** look I'm sure it's not because of that

 **Kokichi:**...

 **Hagakure:** LOOK I ONLY TOLD KAITO, AND HE WOULDN'T BREAK INTO UR HOUSE, HE'S NOT AN IDIOT HE WOULDNT RISK IT

 **kokichi:** well we don't know THAT actually. But u know what I think happened?

 **Kokichi:** kaito fricking started spreading info that it's easy to my vents

 **HAGAKURE:** OH

 **KOKICHI:** IDIOT, YOU KNOW HOW EASY THOSE STUFF SPREAD

 **KOKICHI:** AND SO SOMEONE HEARD ABOUT IT BROKE INTO MY HOUSE. AND AT THIS POINT IT COULD BE SOMEONE COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO BOTH U AND KAITO

 **hagakure:** shit nibba I'm so sorry didn't know it would happen u have my deepest condolences but im like mega busy rn there's some shits going on here so bye

 **Kokichi:** you're not getting away u dipshit. I'm going to class and steal kaito. We're gonna do some research on that shit, and u will not tell principal we're skipping classes - by the way I wasn't in class yesterday too, so if u could say that I was sick or smth it would be neat too

 **Hagakure:** why u think I'm gonna do tha I have no choice do i

 **Kokichi:** for fking spreading that info, no u don't, also I'm making u do this instead of taking u to my detective group, bc I don't wanna u around

 **HAGAKURE:** WOW RUDE

 **hagakure:** wait did u say detective group

 **Kokichi:** IM MAKING MY PARTY BABY! WE'RE GOING ON QUEST "WHO STOLE KOKICHI'S SHIT"

 **HAGAKURE:** OH SHIT NIBBA I LOVE GAMES

 **hagakure:** also bunbun I mean chihiro loves them too

 **Kokichi:** ye but she's fucking scary I'm not inviting her to pt

 **BUNBUN, TRACKING THEIR CONV:** WELL BACK AT U BITCH

 **hagakure:** also you actually made a good call right there bc dude there's some shits going on here

 **hagakure:** mr crow activated incantation bUT THEN some shit happened

 **kokichi:** wait wha

 **HAGAKURE:** WELL SEE U LIL BITCHCAKE, WISH ME I CAN SURVIVE THIS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so  
> bunbun is chihiro's codename in this fic  
> and he's a girl here  
> because first it's neat second i never got used to the fact he's a boy and this trauma haunts me to this day  
> and uh  
> oh right that pick with haiji and yasuhiro was by me  
> although it was originally for my visual novel  
> and  
> yeah  
> incantation of level fourth  
> and good god russia is just a myth  
> also ryoma studies russian  
> also kork's dad is the principal

**Author's Note:**

> hellooooo - its meee- its-  
> i actually was trying to quote one song but i don't remember the lyrics. and no, it wasnt supposed to me is it me ur looking FOR~  
> ANYWAY  
> this shit is gonna be crazy.


End file.
